On the morning of December 5, 2017, the body of 23-year-old adult film actress August Ames was discovered in a park in Camarillo, California. The cause was suicide by hanging. Her death hit like a lightning bolt through the adult film industry—and beyond. For those who knew her, it wasn’t just the tragic end of a young performer. It was the culmination of years of trauma, mental illness and online hostility, all crashing down in a matter of days.
Ames, born Mercedes Grabowski, had been one of the most recognizable names in adult film. In just five years, she appeared in nearly 300 scenes and earned multiple AVN Award nominations. She had a strong fan base, a steady stream of work and a smile that seemed unshakable on camera. But behind the screen persona, there was a deep invisible pain.
A Childhood Shaped by Silence
Before the cameras, before Los Angeles and before fame, Mercedes grew up in Nova Scotia, Canada, later moving to British Columbia. Her childhood, as she described it in several interviews, was far from easy. In an episode of the podcast The Last Days of August by journalist Jon Ronson, Ames spoke openly about being molested as a child.
“I experienced a lot of sexual molestation when I was growing up,” she said in a chillingly candid moment. Though she emphasized that her father was not the abuser, the damage had already been done.
Worse, she wasn’t believed. When she tried to speak out she felt silenced and dismissed. The betrayal of not being taken seriously deepened her trauma.
This, Ames later explained contributed to her lifelong battle with mental illness. She had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and dissociative identity disorder. She also struggled with depression and anxiety, describing how hard it was to manage her mental health without consistent treatment.
“I Used Drugs to Escape My Issues”
According to The Independent, Ames recounted a disturbing incident from her teenage years. At just 15, while babysitting, a client offered her cocaine in exchange for undressing. She refused but carried the memory like a scar. “I used drugs to escape my issues,” she said.
For a while, it worked. Drinking, smoking, experimenting—they became ways to dull the pain. But eventually, she tried to make healthier choices. She quit alcohol and weed and focused on her work.
Despite the darkness behind her, Ames carved out a space for herself in the adult film industry. She was ambitious, professional and outspoken. In a business that often rewards silence, Ames had no problem standing up for herself—sometimes at a cost.
The Tweet That Lit the Match
On December 3, 2017, Ames posted a tweet that would change everything.
“Whichever (lady) performer is replacing me tomorrow for @EroticaXNews, you’re shooting with a guy who has shot gay porn, just to let cha know. BS is all I can say🤷🏽♀️ Do agents really not care about who they’re representing? #ladirect I do my homework for my body🤓✏️🔍.”
In her view, it was a simple statement of personal choice. She had refused to perform with a male actor who had previously appeared in gay scenes, citing concerns over her health. The adult industry has had long-standing debates about cross-genre performers and STI testing and Ames believed she was protecting herself.
But Twitter did not see it that way.
Almost immediately, her tweet was labeled homophobic. Critics called her ignorant, bigoted and even dangerous. Some fellow performers demanded an apology. Others went further.
Adult actor Jaxton Wheeler reportedly tweeted that Ames should “take a cyanide pill” if she didn’t like working with performers who had done gay porn. That message which became one of the most notorious moments of the online pile-on, was widely cited after her death. However, according to the New York Post, Wheeler’s tweet was posted after Ames had already died.
Ames, who identified as bisexual, tried to explain herself. “NOT homophobic,” she tweeted. “Most girls don’t shoot with guys who have shot gay porn, for safety.” But her defense only seemed to fuel the fire.
“F*ck Y’all”
The last message August Ames ever posted to Twitter was brief and raw: “F*ck y’all.”
Two days after her original tweet and just hours after that final message, she was gone.
Her death sent shockwaves through the adult film world. Some blamed the cyberbullying directly, others said it was more complicated. Her brother came forward, stating that the harassment pushed her over the edge. Her husband, Kevin Moore, told Vice: “She was the kindest person I ever knew and she meant the world to me.”
But the story wasn’t so simple.
The Final Scene
In The Last Days of August, Jon Ronson went further than most reporters. He dug into not only Ames’s public persona and tweets but her emotional life, her marriage, her career—and her last months. One episode focused heavily on a pornographic scene she filmed about six weeks before her death with Russian performer Markus Dupree.
It was an intense, aggressive scene—longer and rougher than what she was typically used to. Ames reportedly told a friend afterward that it felt like “full-on War Machine,” referencing MMA fighter turned porn actor Jonathan Koppenhaver, known for physically abusing his ex-girlfriend.
Ronson and his producer watched the video and said it looked like Ames was pushed beyond her limits. In her final moments on camera, she appeared empty, exhausted and barely able to respond when asked how she felt.
Ronson said, “When you think about it, what we were witnessing was the instant she resolved to end her life. It’s horrifying.”
It’s a moment that reframes the narrative. The online bullying may have been the spark—but the fuel had been building for years.
More Than One Tragedy
August Ames wasn’t the only adult performer to die during that time period. In just a few months, several others passed away due to suicide or drug overdoses. The industry, long criticized for failing to provide emotional support for its workers began to take a hard look inward.
In response, new mental health programs were created. Pineapple Support, launched in 2018, started offering free therapy and emotional support for adult performers. Another initiative, The August Project, focused on crisis hotlines and outreach. These programs aimed to address a long-ignored issue: adult performers face real emotional trauma and very few safety nets exist to help them.
