A 19-year-old from Seaham, County Durham says she is scared she might be seeing the results of years of using sunbeds, after noticing new and changing moles on her skin. Megan Blain started tanning at 16, and even now, she says she still can’t fully stop.
For Megan, it didn’t begin as something risky or intense. It began as a way to feel better about herself after being bullied. She wanted a deeper tan because, to her, it looked good and felt like a quick fix for low confidence. And at first, it worked.
Seeing herself with darker skin made a big difference in how she felt, especially when she wore bright colours. That boost didn’t fade. Instead, it pulled her in deeper.
“I wasn’t scared or bothered about the risks,” she said. “The addiction took hold of me.”
She describes it as a “compulsion,” not just a habit. Over time, tanning stopped being about a look and started feeling like something she needed to get through the day. At her peak, she was using sunbeds every single day, sometimes for up to 30 minutes at a time. She also used tanning injections and creams to make the tan stronger.
She says it reached a point where it controlled her choices. “It got to the point where it started affecting every part of my life. I didn’t go to my own prom because I didn’t feel dark enough, and I turned down job opportunities, even modelling, all because I didn’t think I looked ‘tanned enough.’”
That line shows how deep it went. Big moments didn’t feel possible unless she thought her skin was dark enough.
Now, her life looks busy on the outside. She says she has work coming in and is doing well with money, but the tanning still pulls the strings more than she wants to admit.
“The reality is, I actually am under contract for modelling now, which is really good money, and I earn through TikTok too, especially from my live videos, while also working part-time in a sunbed shop.
I spend around £30 a month on tanning now, which is nothing compared to what I used to spend, sometimes over £100 a month, but even with everything going for me, the addiction still has a hold over my decisions.”
Even leaving the house could feel impossible if she didn’t think her tan was “enough.”
“It got to a point where I wouldn’t leave the house unless I felt tanned enough,” she said. “It wasn’t even about looking good anymore, it felt like something I needed just to function.”
But now there’s something else in the picture: fear. Nearly four years after she started, Megan says she has developed multiple moles across her body. Some have changed shape, some showed up suddenly, and some have acted in ways that worry her.
“Moles would appear, disappear, and change shapes, but I didn’t care at the time because I was so wrapped up in the addiction. I wasn’t scared of the risks at all; the addiction had completely taken hold of me,” she said.
“But over the last few months, as I’ve started to gain a bit more control, it has crossed my mind more and more.”
One of the hardest parts is that she still hasn’t gone to a doctor, even though she knows she should. She describes trying, then stopping herself at the last second.
“I still haven’t been to the doctors. The last time I tried, I froze at the door. It was like something wouldn’t let me go in, like I didn’t actually want the help or to change.”
It’s easy to picture that moment: her standing outside, hand near the door, wanting answers, but also scared of what those answers could mean. Then walking away, not because she doesn’t care, but because the habit still has power over her.
Megan says sunbeds are tied to how she sees herself now. “Sunbeds are my only source of confidence now. It’s just part of my routine, it feels normal to me. I’ve stopped the tanning injections and cut down on the beds, so I am trying, but it’s not easy.”
Sharing her story online has added another layer. She says people can be cruel in the comments, and some don’t believe tan addiction is real.
“I’ve had so many hurtful comments,” she says. “At first, it really got to me, but now I try to ignore the hate. People probably think tan addiction isn’t real. But for me, it absolutely is.”
For now, she’s stuck between two feelings: the confidence she used to chase, and the worry that her skin is trying to warn her.
“I do think I’ll stop one day,” she says. “But it’s going to take time.”
